Once again it’s Year-End List Time where I look back at the past year. I’m afraid this year will be all about television since I hardly get to reading any comics in a timely manner… same for film and music. However, there’s plenty to say about telelvision, which has had a standout year in 2007.

Still, lets start with the bad news because, no matter how much good stuff there is on television, there’s always a lot of crap, too. A list of the worst on television is never a satisfactory experience — do you highlight the stuff that doesn’t try to be good? the ones that try and miss? the ones that are simply over-rated? Instead, here are the shows that disappointed me the most in 2007. Here are the shows I though had promise, but failed to deliver.

	10. Suburban Shootout
	Look, it’s one of those shows that’s so funny and witty you don’t stop talking about it for years. The second season finally debuts (after years of anticipation) and now there’s no American network eager to put it on the air and the lack of news on HBO’s adaptation isn’t a good sign. Seeing such a gem is easily one of the ten most disappointing things to happen in television this year.

9. Brothers & Sisters

I want this show to be so much better than it is because, with Kevin Walker Brothers & Sisters gives us one of the most complicated gay characters on broadcast television. Kevin is a man still learning how to deal with relationships in his 30’s, a move partly due to him using his career to keep himself essentially closeted during his early adult years, and the show has explored that amazingly. However, outside of the gay characters, Brothers & Sisters has slowly devolved into some really cliched drama. At its worst is the romance between Kitty and Sen. McCallaster, which feels like uninspired Ally McBeal/West Wing crossover fanfic (never mind that these are Republican characters who run from all but the most wishy-washy stances). But storylines like Sarah’s divorce and Tommy’s marriage falling apart after the death of a child born premature has the show heading into territory that’s been explored more interestingly elsewhere.

8. Everybody Hates Chris

When this show debuted, it was a show that looked so very promising. Not only was it consistently funny, it was a smart, single-camera comedy focused on minority characters that explored the challenges of a working-class family. Breaking those barriers made a strong show even better. Unfortunately, in the second season Chris started getting into a rut with its characters. A family that once seemed so three-dimensional slowly turned into flat sitcom archetypes. That’s most frustrating with Chris’ shrewish mom who seems to have no redeeming qualities anymore, save for the occasional moment where she acknowledges that her husband works hard for their family (usually after a few episodes where she takes his herculean efforts for granted). With the way she’s wiling to spend her husband’s money without appreciating him, the character has made Chris feel like some anti-feminist throwback, a stunning reversal from this show’s promise.

7. Heroes

I loved this series in its first season, but so much of what it did well isn’t apparent in the second season. Heroes used to be great at defying expectations, taking cliches and messing with them just a little, with unexpected results. Unfortunately, in its second season, Heroes fell into familiar territory for serialized sci-fi on network TV. We’ve got plots that rely on characters behaving stupidly for no reason other than the plot (at the beginning we could see how stupid decisions came from their personal flaws) a minimization of the non-white and famale characters (even Hiro got put in his own little plot bubble). I don’t think this show is anywhere close to beyond hope, yet, but they need to get another Bryan Fuller on staff right away. At this point, it’s looking more and more like the first season’s best moments came at the hand of Fuller.

6. Beauty and the Geek

This show really could be so much better than it is but it just seems happy being good enough to get by with decent ratings. After a first strong season, this show has been consistently lazy in its storytelling, occasionally blatant in the producer manipulation of the competition (seriously, the elimination round needs to be revamped, at this point its just tedious). BatG really could have done something interesting with its reverse-gender twist, but it chickened out by giving us only one female geek and male beauty instead of a full cast and further aimed for mediocrity by doing very little with the twist. Rumors are circulating that the next season will include at least one gay male geek — let’s hope that doesn’t continue the show’s history of blandness.

5. Drive

Once again, Fox airs a Tim Minear show with promise and they fail to promote it properly, fail to treat a loyal audience with any sense of respect and fail to be a network worth getting excited about. Fox has a reputation for being a network with a number of brilliant-but-cancelled shows. It used to be worth noting that for all those shows that are disappointingly allowed to wither, the network also used to take the time to nurture some of its cult shows into hits — remember how the second season for The X-Files were in question? Those days seem to be over, however.

4. Dirt

When this show debuted to (what felt like) unanimously bad reviews, I actually saw potential. TV could use a show like the Dirt that could have been. TV is awash in shows that mock Hollywood culture with a tone of “But aren’t we lovable for acknowleding our flaws?” The first few episodes of Dirt hinted at a show that hated every bit of Hollywood culture, from the ego of performers, the unapologetic puppetmasters, the shallow stunts that talentless famewhores will attempt and the media machine that helps it along. Lucy Spiller could have been a fascinating anti-heroine as someone who hates every bit of the world she lives in, yet won’t leave it behind. Unfortuantely, the show tried to listen to the bad reviews and tried to make Spiller more — uhm, well, I have no idea what they were trying to do different with Lucy Spiller and I don’t think the producers of Dirt did either. Dirt spent its first season trying to go from being a show that just misses its potential to not having a clue to what it was trying to do.

3. The Big Gay Sketch Show

The idea behing The Big Gay Sketch Show was so very promising. Sketch comedy can have a “town crier” dynamic, something that gay voices haven’t had in the past. More importantly, Logo is a network officially aimed at LGBT audiences and The Big Gay Sketch Show could have been a case where gay performers are discussing gay themes to a gay audience. Previously, when gay themes came up on television there was pressure to make it understandable to a heterosexual audience. Unfortunately, when the show explored gay cliches, we got nothing but cliches with nothing added — sometimes, like in the “Tranny 911″ sketch, we even got stereotypes so backwards one had to wonder how it got onto a network like Logo. The show worked best when it didn’t try to portray queer life, instead bringing sketches with a gay sensibility like the one where Elayne Stritch works at Wal-Mart or the political Project Runway. The show clearly has talented performers, just check out their pop culture parodies with its spot-on imitiations — too bad those sketches have nothing to offer beyond the spot-on imitations. There’s hope for this series, however. The second season was promoted with webisodes that were the show’s funniest stuff ever, so maybe the problem was a question of finding its voice. Fingers crossed.

2. Pirate Master

Look, I thought this one could have been a source of dumb summer fun. Maybe someone learned from Who Wants to Be a Superhero? which wears its fakeness on its sleeve and manages to be fun for dropping some of the drama cliches of reality TV. What WWTBAS is to Fear Factor, maybe Pirate Master could be to Survivor. Sadly, it seems like Mark Burnett cannot handle the thought of one of his shows taking itself lightly. So. Instead we got blatantly faked sets, obviously reenactments (or do you mean to tell me the cameraman was observant enought to catch a contestant’s key falling from his belt?) and competitors who frequently stepped into self-parody — all demanding to be taken totally seriously. That’s too bad because the way Pirate Master gave its competitors free reign with the money (allowing competitors to bribe their way to victory) should have made for an interesting dynamic.

1. Torchwood

So much wasted potential. I wanted to love this show so much. I think Russel T Davies’ run on Doctor Who is easily one of the best sci-fi shows on television and Captain Jack Harkness was one of many memorable characters to be introduced on the show. I’m tempted to call Captain Jack my favorite thing about Doctor Who, but that’s like naming my favorite Legion of Super-Heroes character — as soon as I name one I think of other things I love just as much. Then came Torchwood, where Jack has gone from sly maverick to uptight manager, the crew seems to get by on luck more than competence and plots depend on someone doing something incredibly stupid to get to the second act. There are so many reasons I want to love Torchwood and so many aspects of Torchwood that could make it a really great show. Little of that shows up in each episode however. Torchwood has become a lot like Lost in my household, where I keep hoping the next episode gets better while The Spouse keeps arguing to give up on the show.

Coming up, my favorite comedies and dramas of 2007 and the shows that are hard to love.

Okay, I know that every rumor about Doctor Who should be taken with enough grains of salt to cover a serving of McDonald’s french fries. After all, didn’t everyone on the show get fired or quit last season? No?

Still, here’s a rumor that I love:

BBC bosses are so confident in Doctor Who that they are making an episode without him in it.

Instead, the Time Lord’s three female assistants – Rose, Martha and Donna – take the starring roles…

Former assistants Billie, 25, and Freema, 28, will team up with the Doctor’s new companion Catherine, 39, for the one-off episode towards the end of the next series. It will be screened in March.

Now, I tend to have a total love for the current Doctor Who so much so that I have to go back and look for the episodes that were trashed when they aired in the UK because I liked them all. (Yes, that does mean I enjoyed “Love and Monsters”.) So, take my bit of excitement with a grain of salt, but the thought of an episode featuring all three female companions makes me pretty happier.

The only thing that could make me happier is if the two male companions from the past three seasons were a part of the episode as well. After all, I can’t get enough of Captain Jack when he appears on Who (as opposed to that other guy who John Barrowman plays on Torchwood) and I’d really like to see what kind of dynamic exists between Mickey and Rose, now.

Last night, we caught a preview airing of Smash Lab sandwiched in between episodes of Mythbusters. I thought the idea might have potential — and it probably does, but the execution is just awful. One taste of Smash Labs was interesting, however, just for the contrast that shows how much Mythbusters gets right.

The concept for Smash Labs sounds like something to come from a network suit hoping to duplicate the success of Mythbusters. After all, since a good part of fun on Mythbusters comes when the crew blows stuff up why not make a show dedicated to explosions? So the concept of Smash Labs is that these guys test out products that are supposed to be durable by putting them to explosives in different ways.

The thing is, even if the most fun part of Mythbusters is the explosions, there’s a lot more to the show. There’s a sense of curiosity and camaraderie that lies at the core of Mythbusters. Sure, when the cameras aren’t rolling they probably are looking for an excuse to have an explosion in the episode, but in each episode, the explosion is presented as the way to answer a question. The narrative of Mythbusters starts with the question, then there’s a discussion of how to answer it and then it turns out that the best way to get than answer will involve something going boom.

The producers and writers of Smash Labs don’t get that first element of the Mythbusters formula. The concept of Smash Labs could follow the storyline of every Mythbusters segment… and actually, they do copy the story outline. However, the parts that emphasize curiosity and camaraderie are either missing or minimalized, as if Mythbusters viewers were fast-fowarding to the explosions. The narrative of Smash Labs speeds through methodology and rushes to get to the blast site — at which point it takes its time the way a bad reality competition show will milk its elimination round.

Part of the fun of Mythbusters is that the crew — yes, even Adam and Jaime — come off as people who enjoy working with each other (that might not be the case, but the show makes it seem that way). They crack jokes with each other and, more importantly, they discuss their plans with each other. On Smash Labs when we do see someone demonstrating any expertise, they’re telling someone else how things should be done. Not only is that boring, it also kills any reason the audience might connect with these people and look forward to seeing them on their TV set.

In last night’s preview, the Smash Labs teams set about to test a plastic lining used in truck beds, deciding to see if it can handle a bomb blast and if it could protect a building. There’s a little bit of the crew playing with the material and marveling at its toughness, then a little bit of discussion about how they were going to test it — but no discussion about if the test were a good idea or not and what learnings they could take from it. That’s the part where Smash Labs proves how uninspired it is — there’s no journey from discovering the material to the tests, the various explosions seem like a foregone conclusion on Smash Labs.

(One distracting element of the show was that they were quick to name the brand of the liner — leading me to wonder if this were a paid bit of product placement or not. After all, if the manufacturer paid for it, we know the end result will be positive.)

Where Smash Labs‘ failing is clearest comes whenever we hear the narrator speak. The narration adds nothing to the action, just telling us what we can already see happening. On Mythbusters, the narrator adds explanations for the scientific idea behind the current test with a few snarky remarks added for good measure.

While Mythbusters viewers can feel like they’re learning something while being entertained, Smash Labs leaves the audience feeling pandered.

Well, yesterday I meant to post a Christmas-y video, but got stuck on which one, especially since I got tired of “Fairy Tale of New York” after discussing the whole censorship brouhaha.

Looking at my feeds today, I only just learned that there’s a video for Saint Etienne’s “I Was Born on Christmas Day” so here it is…

Hope everyone had a great Christmas!

So. Not too long after Conan O’Brien dropped the URL sexymanatee.com, when we learned that NBC’s legal department had a policy saying that any fictional URL mentioned on an NBC show had to be purchased (to stay ahead of cybersquatters), and the show decided to make an actual website for the URL, 30 Rock gave us an episode where we learned that Jack Donaghy owned a vineyard that made a vile-tasting wine. The episode mentioned DonaghyEstates.com, but if NBC bought the rights to the URL no one’s done anything with it. 30 Rock is a lot like Arrested Development in style, but it’s too bad they don’t follow AD’s habit of creating web spin-offs. (Too bad that all those sites seem to be down now, too.)

Meanwhile, over on Ugly Betty, another fictional website has been mentioned, SoCuteItsSick.com — Betty and Henry bonded over their mutual appreciation of the site and it’s been mentioned in later episodes. Unfortunately, while ABC bought the rights to the URL, there’s no fun little Easter Egg for Betty fans. Too bad, too, because in this case, I could see the potential in making something bigger than an easter egg.

And then there’s ShirtlessHunksBaggingGroceries.com — come on. I’ve been waiting for that site to pop up.

Apparently, someone’s been seeking on Craigslist gay men who “have a hard time ‘fitting in’ not (for being) gay but (for being) a geek of sorts.”

The posting suggests a gay Beauty and the Geek-type show but what if it were Beauty and the Geek? (Isn’t that the prize, or, rather, half of what a two-person team wins?) I’m kinda excited, even if the show annoys me to pieces every year with its predictable storytelling.

This past season’s reverse-gender twist was a mess that repeatedly failed to acknowledge the unfairness of adding a male beauty (who could be into rockets and mechanics without being seen as less of a beauty) and giving him the same challenges as the female beauties. (Admittedly, that bias was probably the producers’ way to make sure their twist lasted the entire season, but it would have been nice to see that unfairness addressed.)

Hm, on the other hand, wasn’t my reason for dropping the show this season the “No gays!” rule in the prom challenge?

I don’t typically link to Page Six items. I usually see them grinding their axe in their items, and one of their grudges is an overall dislike of teh gayz, but sometimes the stupidity is bad enough to require some calling out, especially when people keep repeating the stupidity. (And I just love it when a gay blog keeps linking to a website that’s clearly got an anti-gay agenda.)

A little while back, the gossip column claimed that Tila Tequila, the bisexual prize in MTV’s A Shot of Love with Tila Tequila isn’t really bisexual. The gossip page claimed:

SELF-proclaimed bisexual MTV skank Tila Tequila may actually be straight as an arrow. The gay-for-pay bikini babe stars in a “A Shot at Love With Tila Tequila,” about her search for the perfect mate - male or female. But it’s “all a sham,” says a source close to the show. “Tila has and has had a boyfriend for over a year, and she’s not really bi. She’s made out with some girls in her past, as all girls have, but she is not bi at all.” Our insider claims that MTV works hard to pretend she’s single and available because she refuses to break up with her boyfriend

Gah! Okay people let’s review the definition of bisexual. The word describes someone attracted to both genders. It does not refer to someone who feels compelled to feels compelled to have sex with one gender if their sexual activity have been exclusive to the other gender. One doesn’t have to “prove” their bisexuality by varying the gender of dating partners, if someone says they’re sexually attracted to both men and women that makes them bisexual. So, yes, a woman can have a year-long relationship with a man and still refer to herself as bisexual.

Now, that boyfriend would indicate that the show and the idea that there’s a genuine quest for love going on is a sham, but does anyone believe any of these reality dating shows ends in true love?

All this is rooted in the time I was flipping channels one summer while I was still in high school and caught a bit of Montel Williams talking with a man who’s wife was bisexual. Williams kept pushing the man on how he could trust his wife not to cheat on him with another woman. “Maybe the same way she can trust him not to cheat on her with another woman?” I snapped at the TV. It just seemed so obvious to me, but apparently that’s a mystery to even fellow gays.

Sigh.

Wow I just realized that today is the anniversary of Kirsty MacColl’s death on December 18, 2000. The realization is entirely accidental since I was following a story about BBC Radio editing of MacColl’s Christmas classic, “Fairytale of New York” and, while a bit understandable, the coincidence is a bit eerie.

My first exposure to MacColl’s singing was in another collaboration with The Pogues, when they recorded their version of Cole Porter’s “Miss Otis Regrets”:

It’s been ages since I’ve heard the other half of that song, “Just One of Those Things” that I forgot that there was a second half to it.

The track was recorded for Red Hot + Blue the album of Cole Porter covers that raised money for AIDS research. I remember turning in for a special showing all of the music videos made for the album and MacColl’s voice was the one that I couldn’t forget.

A few months later, I encountered MacColl’s voice again when I saw the video for “Walking Down Madison”:

There’s a part of me that always feels guilty that it was a club-friendly single that got me to purchase one of MacColl’s albums, with the idea that if a song has a good beat it’s got less artistic merit. Still, it’s a powerful song and MacColl’s voice, which turned out to fit just about any genre she tackled, was well-suited for a dance single.

“Walking Down Madison” was also one of those songs that appeared at the right time in my life to stick with me. It perfectly expresses the emotions I felt the first time I walked through a part of Los Angeles with a large homeless population — the feeling of suddenly facing an enormous problem and feeling like you couldn’t absolutely powerless in the face of it, along with the realization that those that do have power to do something are apathetic. There’s a warm aloofness I find to MacColl’s voice in “Walking Down Madison” which just expresses the sentiment of walking down a Madison — the strong emotion one feels while working to maintain a neutral visage.

It’ wasn’t until a few years later that I realized that I had been a fan of MacColl’s work for much longer than I realized. When I picked up the collection of MacColl’s most popular singles, Galore, the first track was a familiar song, “They Don’t Know”. Americans probably know it best as performed by Tracey Ullman and, like with “Miss Otis Regrets” it was a track that grabbed me from the first time I heard it:

Sigh. Looking at the promos for ABC’s week-long event game show Duel made the show sound obnoxious, at the least. Still, I still have a soft spot for game shows that make me want to at least see what this one was about and, well, it’s not entirely obnoxious.

It’s just mostly obnoxious.

All the annoyances I expected to find with Duel are definitely there: The set follows the tired exposed-beams-and-focused-lights scheme set by Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? a decade ago. The show has that reality TV-inspired focus on personality with contestants encouraged to trash talk their superiority. Most annoyingly, Duel’s host, Mike Greenberg, performs his duties charmlessly, filling time with so many pauses, you’d think he’s waiting for a producer to dictate his lines into his earpiece before speaking.

And it’s all frustrating because underneath all that, there’s a really cool game to Duel. The show has two players competing at multiple-choice trivia questions. Each player has 10 chips that allow them to pick multiple answers to a question. Each time a chip is used to pick a wrong answer, they lose the chip. If none of their chips were used to pick the right answer, they lose the game. Additionally, players can “press” their opponent into settling on an answer quickly.

Thus, there’s an interesting interplay between strategy, knowledge and reading your opponent in the game. In each round, there’s a need to balance educated guesses against a need not to waste chips. Meanwhile, the “press” can be used to get a competitor to waste chips or miss the right answer, if they seem unsure.

It’s a great game that, unfortunately, Greenberg’s hosting makes infuriating. Most segments on Monday’s debut had only 2 or 3 questions. Part of that was due to the fact that, unless “pressed” contestants didn’t face a time limit in answering questions. However, more time was wasted as Greenberg ran the clock down with inane comments, repetition of the rules and, of course, long and needless pauses.

So. Duel has a solid game behind it but quickly becomes frustrating if you’re not frequently hitting the fast forward button. I wish the game’s rules and challenging questions could be moved over to what’s left of Show Me the Money, a game that had a fun set, a hammy host who could make milking a moment somewhat entertaining (though I’d rather just get more game) but a dull game with the most insultingly easy questions.

Seriously, videos of baby pandas can cure plenty of ills…